Paul: Man, that was a painful mission. We are lucky that our Stormtrooper armor disperses the shock all around our body unlike the Clone Trooper ones. It makes us unconscious but at least our death rate are far less.
Bob: Shut up Paul. Don’t forget that I am a clone and our armor was made to not make us conscious but to make us keep fighting since our physique are superior than you human recruits.
Kyle: Say, Bob, why did the Empire shut down the clone facility if you guys were so efficient?
Bob: We cost too much and after the Galactic War, the Empire didn’t need expensive soldiers. They needed ton of police instead.
Ricky: Wait guys, I thought Kamino was shut down because they tried to use the clone against the Empire. Wasn’t that bounty hunter and Vader terminated the facility?
Kyle: Hey, our 501st were transferred from a Jedi Knight called Anakin right? Why do I hear separate stories about him?
Bob: What separate stories you are referring to?
Kyle: Well, one I hear that he died in the hands of our Darth Vader at the Jedi temple fighting against the Republic protecting the youngling while another story I heard was that he lead the Clone army to the Jedi temple to get fight against the Jedi. What’s with that?
Paul: Yea, and I also heard the people distrusted the Jedi calling them power-hungry while Anakin Skywalker was an idol to them. The one who protected the republic. If he fought against the Clones at the Jedi Temple, why is he so praised? That means he fought against the Republic in the end.
Sam: General Skywalker was viewed as separate from the Jedi Order from the media’s eye for being independent and by bringing large victory against the separatist. Unlike most Jedi, he fought in the front line with his men. He was a hero to us all.
Ricky: Wait up Sam. You guys were from the original 501st. You guys should know the truth then. So which is it?
Kyle: Well, from my thinking, if 501st was lead by Lord Vader into the Jedi Temple to annihilate the Jedi while originally Anakin Skywalker was the commander of the 501st. Also, Lord Vader is clearly this Force user of some sort. He even keeps mentioning it like it’s some kind of religion. And Anakin’s dead body wasn’t officially identified, wouldn’t that mean…
Sam: Kyle, you think too sharp as a regular human. Some day that will kill you.
Kyle: What do you mean Sam? This is public knowledge and a conflicting one. I am sure some will come up with the same conclusion. What’s with you all acting stupid all this time?
Kyle: Besides, both the Sith and Jedi uses a sword and the Force. They are the same thing but a different religion.
Sam: Wait, why do you know about the Sith!?
Kyle: You got to be kidding me! Every clone including yourself knows about the Sith. Darth Maul kept coming back to attack you guys! And Jedi kept treating them as their natural enemy. I am not a clone but I normal human was fighting in that war too you know? Why do you guys keep acting like it’s all some sort of hidden topics? Every one of you was talking about it.
Sam: Maybe you are right… But don’t dare to connect our Lord to any Jedi. That’s not possible.
Kyle: Sam, if you can’t tell me the truth, just say so? It’s a public knowledge that this mysterious Force user called Darth Vader lead the 501st to destroy the Jedi. We call him Lord Vader for some reason but Tarkin calls him Darth too. He’s a Sith! And if Sith and a Jedi are just a difference in their allegiance, then it’s only natural to think that a very strong a popular Jedi who was leading the 501st became a Sith lord.
Sam: Ok Kyle! I can’t tell you the truth so can we just close this topic!?
Kyle: God, I don’t understand why any of the history channel or reporters don’t bring this up… It’s open information that requires zero efforts to connect the dots…
Ricky: Man, those Jedi beam sabers. Those were so cool. Pity that most of them were publically destroyed after the Jedi fall. Like why they do that? Mas Ameda did a huge stage speaking about the Jedi treachery and started to throw the killed Jedi beam sabers into the furnace and destroyed it. They’ve even destroyed Grand Master Yoda’s beam saber too. Such a waste man.
Sam: Lightsabers. Beam Saber is from another franchise.
Kyle: I was at Coruscant when that happened. Did they not remove the Kyber Crystals inside the hilt? Because when they burned the lightsabers, there was this insane blue glowing energy effects sparking out from the red fire. That’s the energy from the Kyber Crystal right? But if so, why is it only exhausting such a low energy? Like the Death Star beam is made by Kybers so sure if those many crystals were exhausting the energy, everyone there including Emperor would have perished.
Sam: Kyle, you sure do think too much. And why do you know about the secrets of our superweapon?
Kyle: You joking? I was at Jedha delivering a ton of Kyber Crystals for the Empire. And those crystals been the energy source of the crazy powerful lightsaber isn’t hidden information. And the Guardians of the Whills were also not a secret organization. I am sure that anyone with a decent mind would connect the two together. The timing of the Death Star weapon creation and the Kyber crystal digging matches perfectly. Am I the only one who’s thinking here?
Kyle: What the hell with that logic!? I am sure every one of us is installed with an ID chip! We should be able to identify an intruder easily since they don’t have those unless they are working for the Empire! ID Chip was something that was talked about in the 20~21 century! We are way beyond that!
Sam: Some rebels may rob and install those ID chips!
Kyle: Well we have face recognition too don’t we!? That was 20th-century stuff! Just scan the entire base for face recognition and bang! There! We know where the intruders are!
Sam: Well they may disguise themselves as a Stormtrooper so face recognition won’t help does it!?
Kyle: You kidding me!? We surely have a camera not only all around the base but inside our helmets too! Besides doing a body scan of a soldier to see how they are performing was discussed in the 21th century! We can use that technology to also identify who’s in the suit too! Hell, using the veins in the arm as an ID recognition was even a 20th century stuff! What year was it now!?
Sam: It’s costly!
Kyle: Well, may not waste Imperial Credits on patrols like this!? Besides what’s with those mouse droids running around for!? I never saw them doing anything! We can cut any waste of resources and have better surveillance. Do you know how crappy our surveillances are? Rebels are coming in and taking stuff all the time! One of the rebel ships is even called a Ghost! Hell! If we would have had a better system installed, they wouldn’t be slipping away that easily! Ghost my ass!
Bob: Sam, Kyle, quite it. We are soldiers. We obey what we are told to.
Kyle: You clones are quite rigid for been superior in every way… What happened to flexible thinking Bob?
Bob: My name isn’t really Bob. Nor Sam’s too. We changed our name after the Galactic Republic changed to Galactic Empire so that we fit in better with the new recruit. Zax is the only one here with his original name. You see? We ain’t all rigid you know?
Ricky: That’s cool! But in our helmet, fitting in is a bit, you know, a done thing. We all look alike. Besides, we don’t even know if these Death Squad guys that we keep passing are the same guys or not.
Bob: Don’t be ridiculous. Not like we are reusing stunt doubles or something. These helmets are not on all the time to avoid the audience recognizing that we keep using the same actors or something.
Paul: Actually, why do we have these helmets on all-time inside the base? It’s climate-controlled in the suit so it’s comfy and all but it’s a waste of equipment use. And I am a bit claustrophobic.
Kyle: Yea, and it also interferes with our surveillance. As Sam said, we don’t know who’s really under the suit, do we?
Bob: Sigh, here we go again… Wait! Intruder’s alert! Gather at Vader’s!
Paul: … Sooo… Bob? Why are we all so early when our Lord takes forever to arrive?
Ricky: Yea, if he hurries up a bit, we could have accomplished many missions where the rebels were able to escape.
Bob: Shush! I can hear his theme song approaching! He’s here soon!
Imperial Officer: We searched all in and out of that piece of junk ship my lord and we found no one but two droids dangling out.
Darth Vader: And I expect you captured those two droids?
Imperial Officer: …Ah, no. They were just droids. We did not bother to my lord.
Darth Vader: WHAT!? You tell me you let rebel droids flee in this most important battle station?
Imperial Officer: Yes, well… They are just droids…
Darth Vader: Your lack of learning is disappointing. We just had two of those droids taking the Death Star plan and escaped on a pod from Tantive IV ship. And you TELL ME that you did nothing when you saw them again?
Kyle: (That’s right my lord! Tell those mindless officers! Like why are we even listening to those guys anyway?)
Sam: (Shhh! Quite up Kyle!)
Kyle: (If clones were so efficient and expensive, why don’t we just replace these useless officers with you guys who fought in the Clone War!? You guys are the most loyal and effective soldiers with real war experience right!? What the hell! Let the clones be our boss then!)
Sam: (Not the time Kyle!)
Darth Vader: Most disappointing… I will deal with your lack of competence later. Now listen. The intruders have freed Princess Leia. They are probably taking her back to the rebel base…
Ricky: (Bob. Bob!)
Bob: (Shh! Ricky! What is it!?)
Ricky: (You remember me and Paul went after those two droids in Tatooine? I forgot to mention to Lord Vader that the two old couples that purchased those droids, they had a nephew who left with the droid)
Ricky: (Like any organized patrol, we of course got all of their names. The two couples were the Owens and that is informed to Lord Vader. He is the one who told us to execute them. But I forgot to inform the nephew’s name. Do you think it’s a good idea to tell him now?)
Bob: (What!? Why you didn’t do that earlier?)
Ricky: (Well, Lord Vader didn’t question about it even after he read the report without the kid’s name. But now that he mentioned that the droids were so important, I thought this kid’s name could be important too!)
Paul: (Yea, if the Imperial crew did shot down that escape pod with those two droids when they had the chance, we wouldn’t be wasting our time this long. Maybe that could have saved us so many problems that may come in the near future too! Ricky! Go tell Vader!)
Ricky: (Oh hell no! You go tell him! It’s you who forgot to write it on the report!)
Paul: (Screw you! He will definitely force choke me!)
Ricky: (Lord Vader prefers choking imperial officers since he believes they are greedy and lazy, unlike us troopers who actually go fight at the front line!)
Paul: (You out of your mind!? One of the Stormtrooper got his head go 180 for just seeing Lord Vader’s face! I ain’t doing that!)
Bob: (Cut it out! What was the name anyhow!?)
Paul: (Luke! Luke Skywalker. On record, he was a farmboy but a skilled pilot. He was also trying to enroll for the Imperial Academy)
Kyle: (What!? Skywalker? Is that Anakin Skywalker’s son!?)
Sam: (Don’t be silly. You know how many Skywalkers are in this galaxy?)
Kyle: (Ah… Yea, LIKE NONE! And the kid’s an excellent pilot? That’s so Anakin’s DNA!)
Kyle: (BS! Ki Adi Mundi has several wives and kids! He’s a sex monster!)
Kyle: (Oh so now if there’s no feeling you can go sex rampage? That’s SICK! And if that is the case, why don’t all Jedi makes kids? They will for sure be force sensitive right? Instead of searching the galaxy mindlessly for a force sensitives, they can harvest mini Jedi and raise them to be better?)
Sam: (It doesn’t work with the Jedi code!)
Kyle: (Well then THEY ARE LOST then!)
Bob: (Urgh… General Skywalker did have a strong affection toward one particular lady. And he was known to play outside the books… It is possible that he has an offspring…)
Kyle: (Thank you, Bob!)
Sam: (Bob, think about it. Why would the general’s boy be at Tatooine with totally unrelated family? Makes no sense.)
Kyle: (Not related? Haven’t you read the report too? Those Owen couple’s father remarried with Shimi Skywalker. That’s General’s mother! Serious guys? You guys don’t read any reports? Like any government, marriage and spouse information are recorded everywhere. It’s mandatory and it’s the law. How else do you think people can find one another in this galaxy? I am telling you. That kid with the last name SKYWALKER is definitely Anakin’s son! Go tell Lord Vader Ricky!)
Tony: (Exactly! Even we can hear it!)
Steve: (Not like we have multiple uniforms you know!? It’s ridiculous but what else would I wear? Pajama?)
Tim: (You know what’s ridiculous? It’s our Death Squad helmet! At least Stormtrooper and Tie Pilots are pressurized suits so you guys can survive in the space for a while. If we are attacked and the walls are destroyed, we go sucked out into the vacuum of space! What does my stupid helmet do!? Nothing! My face is fully exposed! Like why in the hell are we wearing these? Not like the Death Star are entirely a construction zone!)
Tony: (Well, maybe they are expecting an enemy surprise attack within the battle station so they want our guards up all the time. You know, just for incase)
Tim: (Shut up Tony! What kind of successful military base if we are so scared by a small function of a terrorist attack from within!? We would be a crappy military organization if that happens!)
Tony: (Well… Yea, I don’t know. It happens quite often. Plot?)
Tim: (Oh sure! How about the Imperial Officers!? They have absolutely no armor or helmet on! They have a friggen cap! Why can’t we have those instead!? Literally our uniform and the officer’s uniform are identical other than the color! Why are we only protecting our heads!? It’s stupid!? Who’s idea is this!?)
Paul: (Ok fine. Let’s have a vote. Who’re the most out of place idiot here? The Scouts uniforms that are totally useless on space or Death Squads uniform that is literally the same as the Imperial Officers with those stupid samurai umbrella helmets?)
Tim / Steve: (SHUT UP!)
Tony: (Speaking of identical uniforms, our tie helmet is literally the same as the rebel’s one plus the Stormtrooper faceplate. Who’s issuing all theses?)
Steve: (Actually that’s so true! Like we Scouts get a dedicated blaster pistol but most Imperial troopers and the rebels even use the same damn blaster rifles! What’s up with this!? Do we only have one weapon manufacturer or something in this huge galaxy? If so, we need to penalize the weapon company who’s supplying these weapons to the rebels!)
Paul: (After the Clone Wars, I am sure there was a ton of abandoned weapons so surely the rebels got their hands on those. Not like the rebels are financially well like the Empire. They are literally poor as hell)
Kyle: (That pile of bull crap! The E-11 blaster as well as most the other blasters and pistols that the Empire is using came after the Galactic War. That means these things are only 19 years old max! Brand new as hell! And I never saw any Rebels equipped with anything other than these fancy new ones we are using! Have you ever saw any of them using a busted up DC-15 blasters that the clones were using? Steve’s right! The Blas Tech Industries must be providing their new E-11 to the rebels too! Or else how can they get a hand on these new weapons? 19 years old hand weapons are crispy new tech you know?)
Tony: (Speaking of which, you guys know our Ties don’t carry a damn shield, unlike the X-Wings that the rebels use? The engineers say the Ties are too small to install the damn shield. What a load of crap is that!? We have something called Squad Shield! A portable mini shield that troopers can carry around to shield themselves from enemy blasters! And there’s also a Personal Energy Shield for one man use! It’s a pocket-size shield! And they tell us they can’t make a damn shield for the Ties!? That’s such a scum thing to say!)
Tim: (OK fine you’ve won Tony. Your Ties are more ridiculous than my stupid helmet.)
Tony: (Wasn’t competing, Tim.)
Tim: (Actually I have more issues with those Death Troopers than anything else.)
Paul: (What’s up with them?)
Tim: (Not like I like my title “Death Squad” but it makes sense. We are from this Death Star. Naming your battle station DEATH STAR is one of the lamest ideas but for whatever. But because the Death Trooper got the “Death” on their title, now we Death Squad are kind of in the shadow. They look badass and their name makes sense more since they bring death to their enemy. menacing and stuff. But what about us now? The only thing we are related to “Death” is that we are working on this micro moon base. Hell, sometimes I don’t even know what my job specifically is. One time we are operating the Death Star canon and the other time we are marching through the hallway like mindlessly. I am in total identity crisis here!)
Ricky: (Actually, I thought the name Death Trooper came from a biohazard incident at one of the research base where the newly developed virus made the Stormtroopers into some sort of space zombies and they were called the Death Troopers first. Is that mean those black tall Stormtroopers are zombies too?)
Bob: (That’s Disney screwing stuff around since they never bothered to do their homework with the EU.)
Sam: (Yea, they were too lazy to educate themselves with the franchise they bought so anything EU is now noncanonn in their definition.)
Bob: (You buy that Sam?)
Sam: (LOL, shit no sir. EU is a canon to us fans who have been supporting the franchise long before Disney got their hands on us. I give respect to all those fans that made this franchise worth Disney’s purchase. In my eyes, EU’s forever cannon sir. And we serve the fandom. No one else.)
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